Introduce someone for me

I got a friend, i will call him Spidy. Spidy is same age with me, but always act decent although he's not. He likes to criticize all other friends and make fun of people, but he never look at himself, of wat he has... So he always claim that Leu is fat, but he himself has bouncy chest and soft hand... Although i have a tummy, but at least my chest is firm and the biceps and triceps are not swinging around like his... :)
Being as single for his 27 years, he finally cannot tahan and ask me to introduce someone for him... Of coz, i have to knw wat is his requirement... the conversation goes like this:

Leu (L), Spidy (S)L: Face?
S: Not neccesary have to be good looking, but must have the standards of xxx
*xxx is one of our friend, and he is damn hot
L: Like this also not good looking arrr?
S: Aiya, good looking no use de... not trustworthy....
L: But xxx is damn good looking wo~
S: Aiya... ummm... ummm... ummm...
L: Nvm, then body leh?
S: Average lo....
L: Wat is average? (purposely)
S: Not fat not slim lo...
L: Have to be muscular or not?
S: A bit lo
L: Wat is a bit? please specify
S: Must be like yyy
*yyy is xxx's bf... the body is damn good
L: Huh? yyy wo?
S: Ya
L: U can handle a hottie with xxx face and yyy body or not?
S: Aiya... must have feeling 1st ma...
L: ok, then, wat else?
S: Must at least study in uni lo~
* i stare at him. hello~ u sendiri only got spm standard, wat do u want?
L: Umm, ok... then?
S: Should have car and house lo...
* once again, i stare at him... u sendiri also dun have car and hse la~
L: ok, wat else?
S: Should not be too short lo, ur height will be ok
L: ok, then...?
S: Must sayang me de lo...care for me de lo...
L: How would i knw some1 will sayang u or not? u think i'm god meh?
S: Aiya, must be a sensitive guy and romantic de... they sure will sayang me
L: u knw wat?
S: wat?
L: Sleep earlier tonight, and find 1 in ur dream~